Hospital Day One (one day pre-diagnosis, the first biopsy)

The day I was admitted into the hospital
3rd journaling entry

September 1, 2017

Today’s the day. Last night I called and told the BFF. I love her. She sent me a list of questions to ask for today. I just really hope they tell me something today! SOMETHING! ANYTHING! I really do not want to get tests and wait for answers. I just want to know something.

Zach took the day off work today. We went to breakfast. I’m physically shaking. The food didn’t really help. I thought maybe it was just coffee on an empty stomach. Maybe it’s nerves. My breathing is being crazy too. It hurts to swallow. I’m physically drained. I don’t even know if tired is the word. I lay down, but don’t sleep. Just lay there. But, I can barely do anything without getting completely drained.

OK… here we go. **DEEP BREATH**

Well that was a whirlwind.

11:45am // About 20 minutes into the appointment she wants to check me into a hospital room.

Chemo.

ALL or AML.

It’s leukemia.

Or, maybe it’s not. It might not be. We’ll know after the bone marrow biopsy.

We had to make a choice. Hospital with some drugs for the biopsy and stay at minimum the night. Or, biopsy with just a local and do it at the clinic.

OK. So, hospital it is. Partly for the drugs but also, it just feels like we’re actually doing something if we, I am at the hospital.

But, man I’m bummed that I’m missing Trevor Hall. UGH. And, yes, I did try and talk the doctor into admitting me tomorrow so I could go to the concert.

2:00pm //

In our room. This process is so weird. Not really sure what is going on. I’m in my normal clothes still. I kind of figured they would get the IV’s hooked up and lovely hospital gown on immediately.

Blood draw. Good thing this sort of thing doesn’t bother me. So much blood. So many needles.

That just started the parade of people into my room. And the lovely hospital gown. Joy. Got to ride the bed all the way down to CT. Zach had to leave to pick up the boys. I probably sounded cryptic but sent a text asking for pickup help to another mom without going into the details. Lucky to have such a great support system around.

3:00pm //

IVs. Oxygen monitoring. Pulse monitoring. Stickers. So much stuff hooked, inserted, stuck on me. Two scans. Biopsy. They gave me a little something to take the edge off, that’s nice. Yeah, you can still feel it. Not awesome. But, it was ok. Or at least now, after the fact, it was ok. Wheel me back up to the room.

4:00pm //

Back to the room. Boys and Zach came to see me. So far, we’ve only told them that I had to get more tests done to see why I’ve been sick.

I’m neutropenic. My neutrophil number is 160. It’s supposed to be over 1000. The nurse said I basically have no immune system.

I just don’t get it. I’m not sick. I’m healthy.

I mean, I’m just feeling a bit congested. I just don’t get it.

I’m not allowed to have fresh veggies or fruit or have flowers in my room. So weird. Doctor doesn’t seem to buy into this much, but hospital rules.

5:00pm //

Dinner = bacon on bread, canned peaches, chips, chocolate ice cream.

I hate the idea of hospital food. But, I’m going to do my best at eating it.

Zach orders my dinner than takes the boys to go eat. Lucky for them, there’s a Freddy’s right by the hospital.

Not the greatest food. But, whatever. Nothing really tastes that great lately anyway.

Texting with the BFF and tell a few others via text what’s going on. It takes so much energy for me to really talk. Is that weird. Maybe it’s the introvert in me.

6:00pm //

Boys are back. They’re just hanging around the room. Before they leave, they pray for me. Coda prays. He’s amazing. Such a big heart! He prays for me and my health but also thanks God for the great medical care we have. I love that boy. Zach cried. That’s hard for me. I hate that he has to go through this. He’s amazing.

8:00pm //

Time to relax and watch a movie. I really hope the internet connection is fast enough. 

	WBC	RBC	Neutrophils
Normal Range	3.8-10.8	3.96-5.31	1500-7800
8/21/2017	1.4	3.52	392
9/1/2017	1.7	3.20	160

CT Scans all came back normal.

August 31, 2017 - Taking another minute to rest before Zach gets home from work. Holden took this photo of me.

Will update again soon.
Love & Light.
😷😘 michelle