This Is Us (spoiler alert) and a Shaved Head

Tuesday
Day 26 in the hospital
Day 14 post chemo

Argh!! Just finished This Is Us. If you do not watch this show, HOW? Seriously best show on TV. **Spoiler Alert** I was fine the entire episode until Rebecca shows up to bring Jack home, not because Jack or marriage or anything was perfect, but through the brokenness. I love this show.

OK, enough about TV. An update. Let's see. Yesterday, I shaved my head. It was starting to thin out and all the hair EVERYWHERE was driving me crazy. It was not easy. I was prepared. But, I definitely got anxious and I cried and it took me a minute to look in the mirror. I can't explain why. But, there is something about it that makes it that much more real. I realize I'm saying this 26 days in the hospital, I mean, yeah, I get it, it's real. But, something about about it makes it more real. I didn't want to LOOK sick.

It's been 24 hours now. I still sometimes get taken back when I see my reflection, like, oh yeah, you shaved your head. Weird. But, I don't hate it. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I think it makes me look like I have cancer. Sometimes I think it makes me look like I had a mental breakdown (think Brittany Spears 2007). I also haven't had to leave the hospital yet with a shaved head. Maybe that's why it's a little easier. I'm in a hospital, everyone here is sick (to some extent).

I have some scarves, head wraps, and hats. I'll probably, ok, I will, get a wig at some point. But, in the end, I don't think I hate it. I think I kinda like it.

Zach posted this photo and this caption on instagram the day he shaved me head for me. // Right before we did this Michelle told me her hair was the thing that made her appear like she was not sick. There’s not much I can say that this photo doesn’t already say. Michelle is the strongest most courageous woman I have ever known. She didn’t have a choice but to be vulnerable on the outside knowing that what she had to let shine through would come from the inside. And I will say, what’s inside is incredibly beautiful and so inspiring. Her heart is strong, her faith is solid and she is running into this fight. To me she is perfect on the inside and out and I’m thankful I get to be a witness to her life. I also think she looks pretty dang hot. #baldisbeautiful

My numbers seem to be moving in the right direction now. Neutrophils = 270 Platelets = 135

I did need blood today, because my Hemoglobin = 6.4 but that's ok. Everything else is going up. I'm feeling good about maybe being able to go home in the next day or two.

I need the numbers to keep trending upward. And I need fevers to stay away. I spiked two fevers yesterday. But, so far today, we've been good to go. My vitals have been good all day. We'll see how things go tomorrow.

The only other weird stuff going on that can't really seem to be explained are my rashes (I keep getting this weird rash that's not too itchy or anything, but just weird) and my tight calves and forearms. Who knows.

Will update again soon.
Love & Light.
😷😘 michelle