Someone Get Me Out Of Here

Wednesday
Day 5 at the hospital after 7 days at home

Five days! It's been 5 days. This was supposed to be a 24 observation stay. My platelets are all over the place. 

1, 4, 1, 3, 6, 4, 6 

They need to be 15 for no transfusions. I don't think they're going to let me out of here until they start showing at minimum a consistent upward movement.

I have had 20 units of platelets transfused. TWENTY!! And this is just since I got here on Saturday.

I started on Granix injections this weekend which I hear are supposed to work miracles and make your numbers jump quick. Not me. 😫

My body is eating Platelets!!!!!!!!

via GIPHY

Oh, and my ANC (neutrophils) is ZERO! So no immune system for this girl. And I have a cough. Which of course freaks the doctors out, but I had a chest X-ray on Saturday and it came back clear. 

Planned visits are ok. My consolidation chemo week in the hospital. I could deal with that. I brought things to do. I packed for 6 days. It was like a vacation (HAHAHA) or at least I could convince myself to that for a week. 

This. This is giving me PTSD from the month of September. I think I'm having anxiety attacks which is making my blood pressure go up which is not helping my case of breaking out of here. I'm sobbing because I just want out. I missed Halloween last night with my boys and I don't even like Halloween, but missing it, SUCKS. I Face Timed with my boys this morning while they were getting ready. I would have them take the phone to their room and show me what they were wearing. I would tell them to eat breakfast. I would watch them brush their teeth. I miss being a mom. Well, crap, I'm going to start crying again.

I love that the costumes they chose are so them. A unicorn (he can not wait for Spring skiing so he can wear this), Doc Brown (please tell me you know who this is), and 007 James Bond (I think he just wanted to be fancy)

Please don't tell me to be positive or give me some inspirational quote. I'm not completely losing it. I'm not freaking out 24 hours a day. But, yeah, I hate this. And that's ok too.

My next consolidation chemo is scheduled for the week of November 13. That is, of course, my numbers cooperate. The dr doesn't seem to concerned if we push it two weeks and start the week after Thanksgiving, so I guess there is that option. It would be nice to have a definitive answer though. I like a solid plan in place. It makes it easier.

December 1st I have an appointment at the Colorado Blood Cancer Institute with a bone marrow/ stem cell transplant specialist. I don't think this is on the table yet, it's just a consultation. I really, really do not want to do this. ONE, it's a minimum hospital stay of 30 days. I do NOT want to do that again. TWO, I almost guarantee they won't do it at my hospital, I'll probably have to go to Denver to a more specialized oncology hospital that has like an entire floor dedicated to blood cancer patients. It's further away so it's going to be harder for Zach to visit and they don't allow children to visit. THREE, it just seems scary.

But, on the upside. I am feeling better. Less foggy and groggy and more energy. Could be because my RBC is trending upwards (still low, but not transfusions low) or it could be because they aren't constantly pumping my body full of platelets (I've gone down from 6 at a time to 2 as of yesterday). 

Will update again soon.
Love & Light.
😷😘 michelle